As I have mentioned here before, I’m in a movie called Shoplifting From American Apparel, which will premier in December at several theaters around the US.

I’ve just begun working on my second feature film role, that of The Zen Priest in the film Zombie Bounty Hunter M.D.The movie was written and is being directed by Pirooz Kalayeh, who also wrote and directed Shoplifting From American Apparel.

It’s the charming story of a group of ne’er do well wanna-be filmmakers who stumble upon a real zombie invasion in progress. They respond the only way people these days seem to know how to respond to anything tragic and potentially threatening to the future of humanity. They video tape it and then put it up on YouTube hoping to generate enough hits to make them rich and famous. Then they end up recruiting a Hollywood stunt coordinator, a soft porn actress and a Zen monk dressed up in a bunny costume to try and help them get more hits on their videos.

The film is in its very initial baby stages of production. We shot just enough to get a trailer together. Now it’s up on Indie Go Go where we’re hoping to attract investors to fund the rest of the movie. So tell all your zombie comedy loving friends.

It’s interesting doing stuff like this. It falls way, waaaaayyyyy outside the realm of what most people assume is acceptable for a Zen monk.

To me, though, art is art. And art is important. You never know how art will affect people. I like horror movies and I like acting in them.

I’ve said it before, but the so-called “negative messages” of punk rock and horror movies saved my life. Without those “negative messages” I would never have known other people were just as dissatisfied as me with life. If I’d only had access to supposedly “positive messages” I probably would have killed myself. I’m not even exaggerating.

Anyway, enough with the justifications. Go to the Indie Go Go site and look at the trailer. It’s pretty nifty.


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37 Responses

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  1. Andrew
    Andrew October 16, 2012 at 4:47 pm |

    yeah that’s quite good, people will pay for entertainment but not for “enlightenment”! i’d can the glasgow meeting, the scots are tight as anyway
    : o)

  2. chasrmartin
    chasrmartin October 16, 2012 at 5:32 pm |

    Man, can I be your student? You’re almost as much fun as Trungpa Rinpoche.

  3. MJGibbs
    MJGibbs October 16, 2012 at 8:37 pm |

    “I’m I the only one zen around here.” – Daryl Dixon, The Walking Dead.

    All zombie movies should have a zen master.

  4. sri_barence
    sri_barence October 17, 2012 at 4:07 am |

    Now I can combine two of my favorite things, zombie movies and Zen masters! But can a guy in a bunny suit really save the world?

  5. boubi
    boubi October 17, 2012 at 4:16 am |


    A silly question to a silly definition.

    How do you define “soft” in relation to porn?

    What’s the boundary?

    Don’t want to get into details publicly … you got my mail ๐Ÿ˜‰ but any answer here would be nice

    1. fightclubbuddha
      fightclubbuddha October 17, 2012 at 12:53 pm |

      The difference between “soft” porn and “hardcore” porn is multi-faceted. The details of any explanation would be so prurient that discussion in a forum such as this one would be inappropriate. One telltale sign that decorum does permit me to mention, however, is an examination of film titles. A soft porn actress will appear in a movie entitled “Zombie Bounty Hunters.” A hardcore porn actress would appear in “Zombie Bootie Hunters,” to be followed by the inevitable sequels “Zombie Bootie Hunters on Spring Break,” “Zombie Sorority Bootie Hunters,” and “Zombie Bootie Hunters Cum Home.”

    2. chasrmartin
      chasrmartin October 19, 2012 at 1:46 pm |

      Here’s a serious answer: in soft porn there’s no actual copulation. The actors all wear cunning (careful!) little arrangements in skin-toned nylon and spandex to prevent it.

  6. AnneMH
    AnneMH October 17, 2012 at 6:54 am |

    I really hope this one comes to Denver in some form. the last movie you suggested was here one night and I couldn’t go see it.

    So I have to ask what was the inspiration behind the bunny suit, was it artistic or just what was on the 75% clearance rack in your size after last Halloween? Or did your friend the director decide that was the way to handle the dating issue. Actually the bunny suit really works in some way, .,..

  7. AnneMH
    AnneMH October 17, 2012 at 7:06 am |

    Oh dang it, I keep on forgetting to add that I really really understand that part about having the really negative put things in perspective in a way that ends up making you feel a lot better. Not the happy crappy better of unreality but at least the better where you are pretty sure staying alive and not hurting yourself is a worthwhile thing.

  8. sri_barence
    sri_barence October 17, 2012 at 9:50 am |

    One of my favorite ‘soft porn’ movies is called, “Spiderbabe.” There’s a funny scene near the end where Spiderbabe vows to use her new-found powers “…Mostly for good. And to get laid. But mostly for good…and to get laid.”

    Also, I feel that I should point out that I am not actually a “sri,” whatever that means. I got the nickname one Halloween, when I dressed up as an Indian ascetic. A woman in the household took one look at me and said, “Sri Barence!!” I have always liked the nickname.

  9. chasrmartin
    chasrmartin October 17, 2012 at 10:25 am |

    “Sri” just means “Mister”. It’s a basic term of respect.


    1. sri_barence
      sri_barence October 17, 2012 at 11:34 am |


      Oh crap! I’m a ‘Mister’ now? Jesus, I feel old all of a sudden. Maybe I should use my original nickname, “Skinny Pickle.” Only I weigh about 180 pounds now, so that wouldn’t really fit. If I was super fat or super thin I would go for it…

    2. sri_barence
      sri_barence October 17, 2012 at 11:35 am |

      Also, why did you have to tell me that? I was happy with not knowing.

  10. Jules
    Jules October 17, 2012 at 10:42 am |

    That trailer had about 20 seconds of awesome in three minutes. That’s a pretty low AD (awesomeness density) value for a movie trailer. One full minute out of the three minute trailer was “Get in there, Action Camera Man.” “No, I’m not going.” “Yes you are.” “No I’m not.” “Yes you are.” “No I’m not.” “Yes you are.” “No I’m not.”

    Has potential, but needs a lot of tightening up if you want people to contribute money out of more than just a feeling of artistic charity. Sorry if that sounds like harsh criticism, it’s intent is to be constructive. I know how difficult it is to create art that provides any real financial support for the artists.

  11. Zenleo
    Zenleo October 17, 2012 at 2:09 pm |

    There was/is a advertisement off to the side of this blog for
    a Skeleton Zafu, sort of bone-headed ehhh? I want one.


  12. boubi
    boubi October 17, 2012 at 3:12 pm |

    @ fightclubbuddha

    To be defined as “soft” or “hard” performer depends on some kind of professional exam, licence system, as a in bar exam?

    Do you have written vs oral , theory vs practical, exams? Points licence?

    Also in โ€œZombie Bootie Hunters on Spring Break,โ€ i would drop the zombie thing, it’s not springy enough i think.

    And the rabbit should have a more prominent role, saving grateful bunnies, YES !

    That’s it. Saving Playboy* mansion bunnies from a bunch of bible belt zombies, using a stratocaster to smash skulls, or a kyosaku would be even more exotic, saying some “wise sentence” during the action … with G*#*%* roshi as a head zombie rambling about to be the source of the zombie virus, of being the famous faucet from which comes all the zombiehood.

    In the end the Brad the rabbit and the bunnies repopulate the earth “sotfly” or “hardly” depending on the audience, on-line viewing has the choice between the two options.

    Or you can get the gonzo version were the rabbit just drop by and drops his pants.

    * Deserves the capital letter

    silly definition, silly post

  13. boubi
    boubi October 17, 2012 at 3:22 pm |

    Kind of Austin Powers parody

  14. Khru
    Khru October 17, 2012 at 8:49 pm |

    But seriously, magic mushrooms do work like meditation.

  15. chasrmartin
    chasrmartin October 18, 2012 at 5:58 am |

    I was happy with not knowing.

    There’s a lesson here.

    1. sri_barence
      sri_barence October 18, 2012 at 10:57 am |

      I was ‘happy not knowing’ [what “sri” meant] because I liked the idea that my nickname was special, but at the same time denying that it was special. Now that I know that ‘sri’ just means something like ‘mister,’ I feel a bit brought down about it. Strangely this is because now I “know” that my nickname is not special.

      So now it is “just another name.” But I’m going to keep using it! Call me “Mister Barence.”

      Also, I want to be just like Brad when I grow up, so I have made my own blog.

      1. chasrmartin
        chasrmartin October 18, 2012 at 11:03 am |


  16. King Kong
    King Kong October 18, 2012 at 6:05 am |


  17. King Kong
    King Kong October 18, 2012 at 6:07 am |


    1. chasrmartin
      chasrmartin October 18, 2012 at 6:07 am |

      Well, I am fat and have a beard. I still have eyelids though.

  18. J-Ro
    J-Ro October 18, 2012 at 7:35 am |

    That pic looks like something you might see after eating some Magic Mushrooms…

    1. chasrmartin
      chasrmartin October 18, 2012 at 8:19 am |

      Mine? No wonder Brad’s against them.

  19. boubi
    boubi October 18, 2012 at 11:09 am |

    Movie flow like in “12 monkeys” with interviews in the past (old shit from the ’60s and ’70s you can find on the net – old B movies too), somehow “explaining” nothing but giving this sense of “causality”, with super-rabbit citing some dull, obvious but apparently “deep things”.

    Virus due to the fact that people don’t have enough s*x and thus earth aura isn’t strong enough to protect the planet from some crappy radiation from outerspace that modify human DNA … bring in some ’60s japanese* scifi “concept”

    Super rabbit could have, just for once, some superpower that saves the bunnies, some mind scrambler, time shift, give a koan to the zombies and let them think it over … who knows what

    “Operation save the bunnies” could be the first installement

    * M. Werner could some of his japanese b movie culture

    1. chasrmartin
      chasrmartin October 18, 2012 at 11:10 am |

      Oooh. Start looking for financing guys, I’ll start the screenplay.

    2. boubi
      boubi October 18, 2012 at 11:25 am |

      Movie needs to have depth, not just busting zombies.

      You would be the one who gives the origin of it (i don’t watch zombie movie so i think you could be, never saw any that explained it, except “resident evil”).

      Radiation get to earth modify DNA, being in a “whatthefuck” special geosomething location the radiations focus on a particularily prone subject (G#@&ยจ% roshi) scramble and super-boost his EGO neurones and zap definitively all and any of the already few remaining intellectual faculties, during a money making conference, and become a beacon* of the above mentioned radiations that infect the audience.

      … to be continued … if you want

      * Origin of the “faucet” bull

      1. boubi
        boubi October 18, 2012 at 11:37 am |

        A cheap video treatement could be like “eraser head” BW D. Linch movie, it saves a lot in light and quality of images and so on, at least for the “explanation” parts of the movie, bunnies are better in colors ๐Ÿ™‚

        Roger Rabbit also comes to the mind, with some curvy SG

  20. boubi
    boubi October 18, 2012 at 11:13 am |


    With access to more SD you could spice up the whole thing, making it more bunnier/bonnier ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. boubi
      boubi October 18, 2012 at 11:26 am |

      SG not SD

  21. Kman
    Kman October 18, 2012 at 6:06 pm |

    See, this is why I keep coming back even when I disagree and want to hit you with a frying pan, Brad. Because you’re awesome. I approve of this.

  22. ichabod801
    ichabod801 October 18, 2012 at 6:34 pm |

    Where’s a ROFL copter when you need one?

  23. Fred
    Fred October 19, 2012 at 3:53 am |

    Most humans live like zombies anyway identifying with the content of their
    brains. They are lost in the drama of the self and the show on the outside.

    A Buddha is in the world, but not of it. He/she has severed the connection with
    inner and outer conditioning.

    Allowing all things to be as they are without judgement, he/she is awake in each

    To be awake in each moment is to see desire and decay as it is.

  24. Mike Haitch
    Mike Haitch October 19, 2012 at 1:33 pm |

    A much more interesting film would be shot from the Zombie’s perspective.

    Maybe a world in which humans are the minority. Zombies could be all “grrrr arrrh arrrg” one minute and the next be complaining about how hard it is to find a decent meal these days. Zombies could be making TV shows and running ads for “how to use concealer for that rotting flesh” and running agony columns – “does he treat you like a piece if meat, bite him” and eco pieces “save the humans, protect the environment”.

    Things like “The Walking Dead” send out really strong anti-zombie messages and this would be a chance to counter those negative stereo-types in a rabbit suit with exclusive zombie interviews and so on. “Our Zombie hunters bring you exclusive interviews with the big names of the also-alive”

    1. chasrmartin
      chasrmartin October 19, 2012 at 1:44 pm |

      I really like this idea. Gods help us.

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