I Am Not Marilyn Manson


I would like to point out here that I am not Marilyn Manson. Yesterday I got a phone call. “Is Br(unintelligible) there?” asked a female voice I did not recognize.

I said, “This is Brad.”

Long silence. “Hello?” I said.

“Hello,” she replied. More silence. Then, “Are you Marilyn Manson?”

“No,” I said, for truly I am not.

More silence. Then, “Do you know his phone number?”

“No,” I said, for truly I do not.

“Thank you. Have a nice day,” she said, then hung up.

This morning I checked Marilyn Manson out on Wikipedia. I’ve heard of him, of course. But I’m not really up on his history at all. Except that I know he’s from Canton, Ohio, which is a few miles south of where I grew up. The only things there are the Pro Football Hall of Fame and Belden Village Mall, which used to have an OK record store we’d go to sometimes.

Anyway, I found out his real name is Brian Warner. So this girl must have looked up every B. Warner listed in Los Angeles and decided I was Marilyn. I think she called once before. I got a call about a year ago which consisted of two teenage-sounding girls giggling and telling me I was the coolest guy ever.

This may be so. But for the record, I am not Marilyn Manson. OK?

43 Responses

Page 1 of 1
  1. Anonymous
    Anonymous January 9, 2007 at 8:09 pm | |

    you probably are related to him you know.. there is a definite resemblance but I think he’s got you in the looks department.

  2. Anonymous
    Anonymous January 9, 2007 at 9:19 pm | |

    This may be so. But for the record, I am not Marilyn Manson. OK?

    Yeah? Well, you’re sure making a big deal out of denying it!

    —Uncle Weasel

  3. Anonymous
    Anonymous January 9, 2007 at 9:42 pm | |

    Funny, come to think of it I’ve never seen the two of you together…

  4. Anonymous
    Anonymous January 9, 2007 at 9:46 pm | |

    Funny, come to think of it I’ve never seen the two of you together…

  5. Lone Wolf
    Lone Wolf January 9, 2007 at 9:46 pm | |

    What kind of karmic action does one have to preform to have chicks call you up thinking your Marilyn Manson? ..that hilarious.

  6. Anonymous
    Anonymous January 9, 2007 at 9:48 pm | |

    Funny, come to think of it I’ve never seen the two of you together…

  7. Heather
    Heather January 9, 2007 at 10:15 pm | |

    I disagree, B. Warner.

    You are Marilyn Manson. He is Brad Warner. I am MM, I am BW. You both are me.

    Is this not zen?

  8. Anonymous
    Anonymous January 10, 2007 at 3:32 am | |

    The difference between Marilyn Manson and you is that Manson is enlightened.

  9. Anonymous
    Anonymous January 10, 2007 at 3:32 am | |

    .. and better signer.

  10. Anonymous
    Anonymous January 10, 2007 at 6:00 am | |

    I think Marilyn and you should have a press conference to dispel this rumor. Followed by a concert by your bands :-)

  11. Anonymous
    Anonymous January 10, 2007 at 6:15 am | |

    “The difference between Marilyn Manson and you is that Manson is enlightened.. and better signer.”

    gniz.. some celebrities are good signers and others just refuse.

  12. gniz
    gniz January 10, 2007 at 6:44 am | |

    Why on god’s green earth are people assuming that this anonymous dude (is there one of them or twenty of them) is me, especially when I continue to sign in under my log in and post?

    This is Karma at work, I fear.
    Well, I’ve made my bed and so I wont complain.

    But i’ll say it again. I’m not that anonymous poster, nor am I the anonymous poster answering the other anonymous guy’s posts.

  13. Anonymous
    Anonymous January 10, 2007 at 8:09 am | |

    III’M SPARTICUS!!!

  14. james
    james January 10, 2007 at 8:14 am | |

    Your memory must be getting fuzzy, Warner-san: the only decent record store ever in Canton was Quonset Hut. Bongs upstairs, records downstairs. The way we do it in the 216. Well, did. Who knows. It’s been a while since I’ve been back.

  15. Anonymous
    Anonymous January 10, 2007 at 10:03 am | |

    This is just another pathetic attempt by Brad to score more readers. Just because he gets some attention, it doesn’t require that he boasts about it.

    Sorry for trolling and making irrational presumptions, because frankly Im bored at work. Somebody has to be the jerkoff, right?

    -Gniz

  16. Anonymous
    Anonymous January 10, 2007 at 11:21 am | |

    Brad,

    I am Marilyn Manson. How cool is that?

    yours, Marilyn Manson

  17. Prof Wes
    Prof Wes January 10, 2007 at 11:26 am | |

    “No,” I said, for truly I am not.

    I don’t know why, but this really cracked me up!!

  18. gniz
    gniz January 10, 2007 at 12:34 pm | |

    That is hysterical, seriously.

    And if its actually me writing those posts its even more hysterical because it means i’m officially batshit crazy.

    -”the real” Gniz

  19. Lone Wolf
    Lone Wolf January 10, 2007 at 1:12 pm | |

    LOL. Heather has a point. How about all those past posts where you said I am everyone and everyone is me. I am annoying people, I am George Bush and so on.

    Brad you are Marylin Manson.

    Zen can be fun!

  20. zogglegrrrl
    zogglegrrrl January 10, 2007 at 3:18 pm | |

    Heather – you rock – great comment!

  21. Jinzang
    Jinzang January 10, 2007 at 4:46 pm | |

    A man was once discussing logic with Bertrand Russell and told him he couldn’t accept that any statement follows from a false premise. He challenged Bertrand Russell to prove that he was the Pope from the premise that 1+1=3. Bertrand Russel thought for a minute and then replied. Because 1+1=3 and 3=2+1, then 1=2. The Pope and I are two, thus the Pope and I are one. Therfore, I am the Pope.

    So because “form is emptiness,” but “in emptiness there is no form,” you are Marilyn Manson.

  22. Anonymous
    Anonymous January 11, 2007 at 1:13 am | |

    All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense.

    For the record, are you Brad Warner? :)

  23. Anonymous
    Anonymous January 11, 2007 at 5:29 am | |

    No words contains only truth, No words contains only lies. Sometimes we must pluck lies from truth like weeds from a garden, other times we must dig through mountains of bullshit to find the smallest pearl of truth.

  24. Drunken Monkey
    Drunken Monkey January 11, 2007 at 1:47 pm | |

    “This is just another pathetic attempt by Brad to score more readers. Just because he gets some attention, it doesn’t require that he boasts about it.”

    oh please gniz, save the whining for a blog that cares. twat.

  25. gniz
    gniz January 12, 2007 at 6:15 am | |

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  26. gniz
    gniz January 12, 2007 at 6:20 am | |

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  27. gniz
    gniz January 12, 2007 at 8:10 am | |

    drunken monkey,

    Brad is not Marilyn Manson and I am not gniz.

  28. gniz
    gniz January 12, 2007 at 8:38 am | |

    The above statement is true.

    Last comment i am making on this subject.

  29. marshmallow
    marshmallow January 12, 2007 at 10:49 am | |

    hey brad, if you don’t want to be marilyn manson, can i? i love his pretty hair.

  30. Anonymous
    Anonymous January 12, 2007 at 5:50 pm | |

    Believe it or not, Brad, I’ve noticed that before, and pointed it out to others. But not to you. I mean, noticed that you were both B. Warners from Ohio who have been into pretty hard music. But I didn’t point it out to you. Didn’t know how you’d take it.

  31. Anonymous
    Anonymous January 12, 2007 at 6:04 pm | |
  32. PhilBob-SquareHead
    PhilBob-SquareHead January 12, 2007 at 7:20 pm | |

    When I saw M. Manson at a club show in ’95, he baited the crowd,
    “1,2,3…SPIT ON ME!”
    So that must mean I have spat on you Mr. Warner.

    Sorry!?…. . . .

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  37. Anonymous
    Anonymous July 16, 2009 at 5:29 pm | |

    This truly made me laugh. I was confused at first why you would even say that, but I got it after you said you were a B.Warner. lmao The comments are equally as silly.

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    Marilyn Manson (born Brian Hugh Warner; January 5, 1969) is an American musician and artist known for his controversial stage persona and image as the lead singer of the eponymous band, Marilyn Manson. His stage name was formed from the names of actress Marilyn Monroe and convicted murderer
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